February 19, 2008
While the league's general managers were discussing one-minute overtime penalties and the instigator rule among other topics at meetings in Naples, Florida, one little nugget of information was missed by the mainstream media.
Apparently, the remaining schedule for the Toronto Maple Leafs has been revised to appease fans and media of the club. Below is the recently released schedule:
15 vs. Bloomington Jr. High School Girls
22 vs. Cub Scout Troop #101
29 vs. CNIB Senior Team
5 vs. Spanish-American War Vets
12 vs. Crippled Children's Hospital
19 vs. St. Cloud Home for Wayward Girls
26 vs. Girl Scout Troop #69
5 vs. Ontario VD Clinic Post #3
12 vs. Church Street Boy's Choir
19 vs. Korean War Amputees
26 vs. VA Hospital Polio Patients
Special Monday Night Game:
March 3 vs. Utopia Gay Boys
The Toronto Maple Leafs will be changed to the Toronto Tampons' as they are only good for one period, and they don't have a second string.
Paul Maurice will be replaced by Pamela Anderson. No doubt she will blow a few, but she won't choke up on the BIG ONE.
1. When playing the Girl Scouts, the Leafs must not eat their cookies.
2. The Leafs will be allowed to substitute with band members at any time during the game.
3. When playing the Polio Patients, the Leafs must not disconnect any of the leg braces.
4. There will be no more dancing with opposing teams, like the last time they played the Utopia Gay Boys.
5. The Leafs MUST PROMISE to remember that when the referee drops the puck, this signals the beginning of play. This is to ensure that no more time will be wasted while the Leafs try to figure out what just happened.
6. The Leafs must also stop dangling the crippled children in the net mesh.
hat tip to my brother for forwarding that along as well as the sharp new banner atop the page.