March 26, 2008

Introducing the Mike Lange Tournament of Quotes

If you're a Penguins fan, you definitely know who Mike Lange is. Since 1975, he's been a vital part of the Pittsburgh hockey scene and the voice of the Penguins, having never missed a broadcast. In the summer of 2006, FSN Pittsburgh had a brainfart and decided to go "in a different direction", firing Lange. Two months later, the Penguins signed him to do their radio broadcasts. Most known for his "Lange-isms", he's a beloved icon in the city of Pittsburgh. There's even a movement afoot to bring him back to television.

The man even has his own t-shirts! That should tell you something.

In honor of Mr. Lange's contribution to the sport of hockey and city of Pittsburgh, Going Five Hole is proud to announce the "Mike Lange Tournament of Quotes".

Thanks to the brilliance that is Wikiquote and the Internet, I've been able to gather 64 "Lange-isms" and form an NCAA-bracket style tournament that you can vote on.

Here's how the voting process will work:

1st Round:
Friday 3/28 - Thursday 4/3

Round of 32:
Friday 4/4 - Thursday 4/10

Samuelsson's 16:
Friday 4/11 - Thursday 4/17

The Errey 8:
Friday 4/18 - Thursday 4/24

Friday 4/28 - Thursday 5/1

Friday 5/2 - Thursday 5/8

Here is how the brackets break down:


(1)Well, shave my face with a rusty razor! v. (16)Great balls of fire!

(2)She wants to sell my monkey! v. (15)Go ahead, make my day!

(3)It's a...HOCKEY NIGHT in Pittsburgh! v. (14)I've seen that fish before!

(4)He left the defensemen on the parkway going to the airport! v. (13)He
takes the heat out of a hot kitchen

(5)You ain't nothin' but a hound dog! v. (12)Get that dog off my lawn!

(6)He gave 'em more moves than Mae West. v. (11)They are buzzin' like
beeeees around a hive!

(7) He smoked him like a bad cigar! v. (10) You can spit-shine your shoes,
'cause the Pens are going dancing with Lord Stanley!

(8)Good shot...better save by (Insert Goaltender Here) v. (9)He's
smilin' like a butcher's dog


(1)Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one too! v. (16)How much fried
chicken can you eat?

(2)Michael, Michael, Motorcycle. v. (15)Hallelujah Hollywood!

(3)Oh no, Eddie Spaghetti! v. (14)And the kitchen is closed!

(4)Heeeeeeeeeee shoots and scores! v. (13)He's all over 'em like a new
pair of shoes.

(5)Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, bring me the brandy! v. (12)He put
(insert player name) on his wallet!

(6)Hop in the Cordoba baby, we're going bowling! v. (11)If you missed
this, shame on you for six weeks.

(7)He's got more patience than Mercy hospital. v. (10)He picked his
pocket like he was walking down 5th Avenue

(8)He should get 5 to 10 for that v. (9)Never sit on a bald man's hat.


(1)Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek! v. (16)How about them apples?!

(2)He doesn't know whether to cry or wind his watch v. (15)I'll be

(3)Scratch my back with a hacksaw! v. (14)It's time to buy new shoes!

(4)He hasn't scored since the eighth-grade picnic. v. (13)You'd have to
be here to believe it!

(5)Let's go hunt moose on a Harley! v. (12)It would take a miracle on
Grant Street to come back from this deficit.

(6)That was a million dollar move, but (Insert Goaltender Here) had two
million in his pocket! v. (11)They threw everything at him but the
kitchen sink!

(7)Donna needs a donut! v. (10)Oh, slap me silly, Sidney!

(8)He put it in the top shelf where grandma keeps the cookies v. (9)Go
for it, Mario; go for it.


(1)Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has just left the building! v. (16)Stop
the press!

(2)Look out Loretta! v. (15)Puttin' on the ritz.

(3)He beat him like a rented mule! v. (14)The old two niner

(4)Get in the fast lane Grandma, the bingo game's ready to roll! v. (13)He's like a bull in a china shop!

(5)He's handing out checks like it's the first of the month! v. (12)Never teach a pig to sing!

(6)He got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. v. (11)The turkey is
on the table.

(7)He hit him so hard his kids will be born dizzy! v. (10)There is a 211
in progress at Mellon Arena.

(8)Book 'em, Dano! v. (9)He went right down Broadway and then some!

Voting will begin Friday at 12:00 a.m. ET! Make sure you vote early and vote often! The polls will be listed on the right-hand side of the page, so you can find them easy.


Ronnie Francis Bracket

Eddie Johnston Bracket

Kevin Stevens Bracket

Michel Briere Bracket

A huge thank you to the boys from ThePensBlog for creating an amazing looking bracket.

The final results

Phil Bourque handicaps the final on the 5/1 Crash the Net segment during the Penguins-Rangers Game 4 radio broadcast.

Phil Bourque reveals his favorites for the tournament in-between periods of the Pens-Isles game on 3/27 during the Crash the Net segment.

UPDATE #2: Round 1 voting is over. Go here to view the round 1 winners and second round pairings

UPDATE #3: Round 3 voting is now underway
Ronnie Francis Bracket- 3rd round

Eddie Johnston Bracket- 3rd round

Kevin Stevens Bracket- 3rd round

Michel Briere Bracket- 3rd round

Round 4 voting is now underway

We're down to the Final Four! Check out the Final 4 match-ups and vote now!

The final two are here. Voting is underway

A champion has been crowned.

Ballhype: hype it up!


Michael said...

Wow. This looks to be quite the undertaking. I wish you the best of luck in this!

sheashu said...

Hey, good stuff. Mike Lange is the man. I also write about the Pens exclusively for another site and keep my own hockey blog. If you're interested in linking to them I'll definitely link to yours as well. The two sites are.:

Let me know and GO PENS!

pghwriter1979 said...

I was hoping to see the newest phrase in here... "He just lost his liquor license!" - usually said after a spectacular move by a Pens' forward makes some goalie look silly.

blackngoldforever904 said...

Someone needs to put a site up with audio clips of all these phrases! I would buy that person a drink and his dog one too!

AJ said...

I move to call the second round of voting the Taglianetti 32.

Great idea!

Sean said...

@AJ: funny you should mention that. I originally had named that the "Round of Taglianetti", but just didn't sound right to me.

Raybin said...

This may be the most unreal tournament in the history of tournaments and that includes all games called Unreal Tournament.

RP said...

Totally agree with blackandgoldforever, someone needs to record these Langeisms and post them. All the old sites that had some are gone.

How great would a "Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek" or "Lookout Loretta" ringtone be?

Great Balls of Fire

matt the cal u grad in tampa said...

I would let mike lange sell my monkey. said...

Gave you a link here:

bestonline323 said...

i love the
EDDIE JOHNSTON BRACKET its friggin' genius! Mike Lange is the man!I agree with Blackandgoldforever904 Someone needs to put a site up with audio clips of all these phrases! Id just be laughing for a whole day, Mike Lange Belongs on TV! I love this Lange-ism : "Get that dog off my lawn mower" That man makes me laugh man!

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